The Hard

Today was just one of those weird emotional days for me. It was a just a strange day. Riley has been coaching the last month or so and has been out of town almost every weekend so I've been either taking the kids to church by myself while he's gone or having friends and family help me watch the twins so that I can get to church and make sure Kendle and Morgan can be there. It has been really, really tough. It takes a lot of effort to make arrangements and figure things out just to get there. Today was the second week in a row that I was the recipient of some big time selfless service from friends who offered their help. It has been very humbling for me to receive so many acts of service over the last year or more since the twins were born. I know they don't view it as a big deal to help me, but it really means a lot to me and I don't take it for granted.

I realized over the last week that there is a season and time for everything and this is just a really, really challenging one for me. I've been fighting it and fighting it, and feeling that I can handle anything that comes along, but it was a losing battle. So I've finally given myself some permission to just let those feelings go. I feel like a little of the stress is gone.

It is NOT my season to be the person that volunteers to help out for everything that comes along.

It is NOT my time to try and keep up and worry about what everyone else is doing and what fun things I might be missing out on.

It IS my season to like going to bed early and be more of a home body because I'm really needing all the sleep I can get.

It IS my time to be home with my children every day and try my best to make their childhood wonderful and they are the only ones I care to impress with my time and devotion.

It IS my season to have an imperfect home with toys left all over the house and messes being constantly made, because four little children live in this "cozy" little house of ours.

I don't know why the simplest conclusions are the hardest to come by sometimes, because I feel like this was kind of a "duh" moment for me. I wish I could push rewind and go back before the twins were born and tell myself that the next few years were going to push me and challenge me and mold me in ways I never thought possible and that it would be emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting - every single day. That basically no matter how hard I tried to imagine what it was going to be like, there was no way to prepare for it. That I would simultaneously wish every day for a vacation, yet also dread leaving my little ones behind. That every day would be a roller coaster of emotions and ups and downs. That those two adorable little boys would be SO DARN BUSY. AND CLEVER. AND FAST!!!

But I found while offering a friend some advice the other day, that it was exactly the advice I needed to be listening to myself. (Why is that?)  I said something along the lines of "that from the hardest challenges come the greatest blessings" or "sometimes the hardest things are the most worth it". Something like that. And then I remembered one of my most favorite lines from the movie A League of Their Own where Geena Davis tells Tom Hanks that she was quitting and going home "because it just got too hard." And then he replies to her, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. The hard, is what makes it great." Gah! I love that movie.

Well, it is late and I am starting to ramble so I need to go to bed, but I just felt like I really needed to write these feelings down. I want my children to know how much I love them though, and how every single thing I do for them is worth it and I couldn't imagine life without each and every one of them.

Morgan's Prayers

Morgan is such a cool little boy. He can go from being a little turkey to a sweetheart in two seconds flat. Tonight while we tucked the kids in and helped them say their prayers, I got kind of choked up to hear the words coming out of his little mouth that were so clear, humble, and sincere.

"Bless us that we won't be snarky to each other." (one of the words I use for being cranky, had to stifle a laugh on that one.)

"Help us that we can be good and kind to each other and do the right thing."

"Help me to be a good boy."

"I'm thankful for our home."

"I'm so thankful for my family."


I think I'd like him to stay a three year old for a long time. I love this age. Moments like this help me to forget how mad and "snarky" during sacrament meeting I was when he wouldn't sit still and kept talking really loudly. It makes me remember that he no longer has a lap to sit on during church or a free pair of hands to look at a picture book with him. It makes me feel so sad for all of the moments I lose my patience or don't take the opportunities to stop and play and pay attention to him.

I needed to hear that little prayer tonight to remind me of what is most important. 

Always Learning

I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head but can't quite seem to be able to put them into words. I've had lots of promptings and strong impressions lately to be thankful for what I have. I think I take things for granted a lot of the time. The things that sometimes frustrate me when looked at more closely are actually blessings. I'm learning to take the bad with good. Sometimes life sends unexpected surprises when we need it the most. 

For example, back before Riley and I met he had received a nice sum of money from his grandfather that passed away. Being a typical 20 year old guy he would have loved to have spent it on a new car, or vacations or some other cool thing but instead he tried to do something responsible and decided to invest it in a program that offered substantial returns. He was planning for his future. Months later he and many others in the Tri-Cities and beyond received the gut wrenching news that it had been a ponzi scheme and all their money they had invested was lost. They were told a trial would ensue that could take years, and not to expect to get much if any of their money back.

Fast forward to about a year ago, we heard from a representative of the case and they wanted to verify our address and information to ensure that Riley could get his settlement money when the trial ended and everything was finalized. They wanted to prepare us that becuase of the large amount of plaintiffs in the case,  the percentage of the inital investment money they would be getting reimbursed with would be pretty small. They gave us a rough figure and we thought it sounded pretty good actually. Not the full amount, but still only a few thousand off and we could definitely use the money. We waited and waited and never got anything in the mail. We kind of just gave up on it.

A few weeks ago after checking the mail, I saw an interesting looking envelope and knew right away what it was. I called Riley and excitedly opened the envelope so I could tell him the amount and read the attached letter.  Wouldn't you know it, it was waaayyyy less than even the rough estimate they had given us. We're talking, way way way less. It was pretty discouraging, heartbreaking really. But, we both decided it was lucky that any money came at all and it came at a time when we needed it and could put it to good use.

It's hard when life can be disappointing sometimes and I want things right at this very instant. It's hard playing the waiting game and being patient. I'm trying to be more grateful for what I have and what my life is like at this point in time.

81

I was looking through some pictures I had recently uploaded onto the computer and forgot that I had these. I put them on our family website, but forgot to post them on my personal blog. They are from my grandmother Katie's 81st birthday a few weeks ago.

{Yummy german chocolate cake}

{Blowing out the candles}

{Surrounded by grandchildren and great-grandchildren}

{Still has the magic touch with all the babies, she's holding Kale}

I can't begin to describe how amazing this woman is. Everyone is always telling her to slow down and not do so much. She was recently her ward's gospel doctrine teacher and now teaches a youth Sunday school class. She helps with most ward activities and get togethers. Three {lucky} missionaries live in the basement of their home where she cooks delicious food and is a warm motherly figure. Her and my grandpa leave at four in the morning to fulfill their temple assignments. She always remembers birthdays and sends cards to everyone {not a small feat in our very large family.} She always has a kind word of encouragement and a "can do" attitude. She is a wonderful example of giving unconditional love and support to all of her family members. My grandparents travel the north west attending sporting events, graduations, baptisms, baby blessings, funerals, weddings, and other important events. That is hard to do at any age, so the fact she is still going and doing all of that at 81 is nothing short of amazing.

Here is one of my favorite stories that tell the most about her character:

As a young mother she was asked to make some rolls for a church relief society activity. She says she did her best efforts in making them and brought them with her to the dinner. As all of the ladies were eating, she overheard some of the older women in the ward asking "who made these terrible rolls?" My grandma realized they were talking about her rolls. Now, I think just about anyone would have become angry, embarrassed, sad, and vowed to never attempt making something like that ever again, and I'm sure she did have some of those feelings. But instead of being offended and holding a grudge, she approached the women and kindly asked if they could teach her how to make wonderful homemade rolls -- and they did. Now, everyone that is acquainted with my grandmother or who has had the pleasure of eating in her home, knows that she is famous for her delicious (and by that I mean DELICIOUS) rolls. The world would be a far worse place without those scrumptious melt in your mouth baked goods.



That story came in handy to me as I had a very similar experience as a young mother who was not overly self confident about her cooking. She has always been such a great example in my life and there are many times when faced with a decision that I think to myself, "what would grandma Katie do or say?"



It means so much to me that Kendle and Morgan have had the opportunity to form relationships with her and my grandfather and make lasting memories.

Blessing Day

Yesterday at our church we blessed Cooper and Kale. It was an exceptional day for our family. We were fortunate to have my parents and grandparents join us and Riley's mother Kathy also came. Riley gave them wonderful blessings and both boys looked so angelic and peaceful - they were so quiet and still. A friend pointed out to me how quiet the whole chapel was during the blessings, which in a big ward like ours hardly ever happens. I will always remember what a special feeling I had. As I sat in sacrament meeting after that, I had a distinct feeling that I was meant to be a mother to these two boys and that they were both meant to be part of our family. I know they will continue to be a wonderful addition to our family in years to come.

We were in such a hurry to get out the door before church (with our wonderful new 8:30 church time) that I did not have time to take any pictures. But, since one of my goals for this year is to take more pictures, I made everyone take some as soon as we got home from church. That meant redressing the twins back into their blessing outfits and making Morgan put his tie back on. None of them were too happy, but I am glad we documented the day.

I am just so tickled every time I look at these little boys.

I don't know what I ever did right in my life to deserve

such wonderful children and such a great life.

Climbing That Mountain

Two weeks ago, I wrote this post. I thought I had reached the end of my rope and was getting discouraged about how I was feeling. Now here I am at 36 weeks, still carrying these babies around and life has been slowly marching on. I'm learning important lessons during this cycle in my life. I'm capable of doing more than I thought, the key is not letting my mind take over and tell myself negative things. I feel like the "little engine that could." Every day I get a bit bigger and a bit slower, but I'm still making my way up that mountain and am so eager to get down the other side where our beautiful baby boys will be. I remind myself how blessed our family has been and continues to be. The excitement is building and keeping me afloat until the big day arrives. I have had so much support and encouragement from friends and family and I feel like that has made me even stronger.

I can do this. I CAN do this.

I want these babies to know that even though it was hard for their mother at times to carry their weight around and endure the days of being sick and uncomfortable, it was worth it every single step of the way.



*To my future sons: You have a big cheering section waiting for you.

Feeling Thankful

Today I am thankful for:

*A mother who will come get my children and keep them overnight, take them and do fun things and then drive them all the way back home the next night. She deserves an award. (Thanks Mom)

*A husband who will go to the store for me at 9:00 at night while I am watching SYTYCD because I need a good snack. Something like spinach artichoke dip and pita chips. And he calls while he's there to make sure he's getting me exactly what I want. (Thanks Riley)

*A friend who always offers to help watch my kids and helps me out more times than I count. (Thanks Kristen)

*My brother who commented at our family picnic on Saturday while Tam and I were throwing a softball around that "we don't throw like girls", even though I hadn't thrown a softball in a looonnnggg time. (Thanks Jer)

*A daughter who will come over and rub my feet because she can tell I've had a hard day and wants to do something nice for me. (Thanks Kendle)

*A friend who is totally unselfish and brings me extra milk. (Thanks Nan)

*All of my friends with their cute little babies reminding me that all of this torture is worth it in the end. Have you seen this picture from Nan's blog? I could just die it's so cute. (Thanks ladies)

*Thankful for my little teeny cherry tomato plant that already has some baby tomatoes showing on it giving me a nice surprise yesterday.

*My children who let me sleep in this morning, because I was soooooo tired. Kendle even got her own breakfast and played on the computer really quietly. What a treat.

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I used to have this quote hanging up by our kitchen:

"Crumbs of happiness, make a loaf of contentment."

I'm Thankful To Be Me

I'm at a place in my life now, where I can look around and recognize the good that is there and have gratitude for these blessings. It's so easy to compare our lives to others and wish for bigger and better earthly treasures, most of which do not bring lasting happiness. So with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I'd like to share what I'm thankful for this year.

*My children. They make life so much better and more interesting. They make me smile, laugh, and enjoy being a mother so much. I know I was meant to be their mother and that I am doing exactly what I should at this point in my life.

*A husband who works hard to provide for our family. This is a huge comfort and blessing.

*My friends. I have many different types of friends, and each one is special. They make my life better. Every woman needs to have at least one good friend she can rely on and I feel lucky to have more than one.

*My home. I feel safe, warm, and secure.

*My parents, siblings, and extended family. I feel like I really hit the jackpot in this category. I'm proud to be a daughter, sister, sister-in-law, aunt, cousin, and granddaughter to those people.

*My church. It brings comfort to me, makes my life better, and makes me want to be a better person. I'm thankful I can be with my family eternally.

*My health. I've lead a healthy life and have been blessed with a strong body to carry me forward to do the things I needed to do.

*Books. I'm thankful that I love to read. I love reading to my children as well. I'm thankful that I have access to a library, bookstore, and other places where books are readily available. We can continually educate ourselves and stimulate our minds.

*The Internet. I have reconnected with old friends, stayed in touch with family members, and had access to innumerable amounts of information that has helped our family. It is truly an amazing thing.

*The access to grocery stores, hospitals, banks, schools, gas stations, clothing stores, and all other places that make my life easier.

I feel like the more I reflect on what I am thankful for, the clearer my blessings seem. I have everything I need in my life and then some.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Saturday afternoon Kendle and I had a wonderful time baking and spending time together. If ever there was a little girl who liked to have fun, it is Kendle. She is one spicy little girl and knows how to liven things up. We put Morgan down for a nap, turned on some fun music, and then chatted and mixed and stirred and laughed. There is never a dull moment when she's around. "Lively" is a word that comes to mind. I truly enjoyed those moments with her though and am always amazed at the conversations we can have when we are alone together.

Later that evening after Riley arrived home, our family went to go visit my mother-in-law who's been in the hospital and is now in an out-patient facility receiving on-going care and rehabilitation. It was her birthday and we were her last visitors of the day. She had received many well wishes and had her walls and shelves lined with balloons, cards, and flowers which we were happy to see. Kendle knows how much her grandma Kathy loves to hear her sing, so right when we walked into her room, she went up and put her arm around her grandma sitting in her wheelchair and sang her "Happy Birthday". Kendle can be so sweet, and she is really kind and good with her grandma. Sometimes it can be a little scary when you are a child to see your grandma hurt and sick and it would be easy to shy away from that. From an early age Kendle has realized her grandma's limitations and is an excellent helper to her; for that I am thankful.

Last night we attended an amazing baptism for a little girl who has been coming to church with a family in our ward. The spirit was so unbelievably strong in that primary room, and you could literally see her glowing and beaming. There were quite a few non-members there and I know they felt the spirit as well. I gave her a hug afterwards and I could feel her happiness radiating off of her. As we got in the car to leave the Stake Center, our radio was playing music. Kendle said to me "Mom, can we just turn the radio off? I feel so good right now and I just don't want to hear that music." I thought to myself, "ok, who is the teacher here?" As a mom do you ever have the feeling that you were sent your specific children for a reason? I have that feeling often.

My little example

photo via flickr

The other night Kendle was coloring at the kitchen counter and singing a variety of songs like she tends to do. She sang "I am a Child of God" and then stopped and said:

(Kendle) "I really like that song mom."

(Me) "Me too. What is it that you like the most about it?"

(Kendle) "When I sing it, it makes me feel reborn. I just feel so good."

She went back to singing and coloring and I just sat there for a minute and said a little thank you in my heart to my Heavenly Father for sending this little soul to our family. I don't know if she even really knows what being "reborn" means, but she has a shiny little spirit that is a constant example to me.

Kendle is one of those individuals that are totally black and white with no gray area. It is totally one way or the other for her, and she won't just take a one line answer for something, she wants to KNOW. Our children are meant to teach us, as much as we are here to teach them. That is a major mom lesson that I am learning.

Qualities That I Admire

Resourcefulness

Frugality

Creativity

Humility

Bravery

Sincerity

Probity

Kindness

Optimisim

Charity

In this crazy world we are a part of today, I am thankful for the examples of these qualities I have witnessed from various people throughout my life. Some have been from strangers or people I've admired from afar, others from close family or friends.

Thank You

Just what I needed

~I happened to mention to my husband yesterday that the older I get, the more I enjoy General Conference because every year I feel like there is a talk made specifically for me. This year was no exception, and I know from reading other people's blogs today that I am not alone. Last week I wrote this post, and to hear Elder Ballard's talk on the very subject that was perplexing me was more than a blessing, it was motivation for me to keep going and trying my best and to not be discouraged.

We missed most of conference while traveling yesterday, but it is so neat to be able to go here and listen to the speakers again, and ponder the counsel they have shared. What a wonderful time we live in to have such awesome modern conveniences that allow us to do things like that.


~Saturday, Riley's team beat Kennewick to keep their #1 spot in the league and I'm proud of the work that he and the other coaches have put in. I have to admit it's pretty strange rooting for Southridge when I live in Pasco, but oh well. I'm sorry I missed the game, but thanks to my bud Natalie here's a few pictures:














~Kendle had a birthday party to attend Saturday afternoon and it was a lot of fun. It was at Mid-Columbia Gymnastics and she just loves this little friend of hers. They ran and played and ate pizza and cake, and she talked and talked about it the whole drive to my mom and dad's house. Just imagine the happiest kid in the world, and that was her after the party.

~We stayed with my mom and dad Saturday night so we could get an earlier start heading to this brother's house to visit his fun family on Sunday. My brother made some good BBQ food and it was just a nice, relaxing day. The cousins had a great time playing together. They have a huge beautiful backyard where the kids ran and chased each other, and did a lot of this:













Look at that green grass!!!!!!

~So far, today has been a stress free relaxing day. Kendle attended a soccer camp put on by the Southridge soccer team , and even though it was freezing cold, I think she may have enjoyed herself a smidge. She told me she was "tough" on defense. She thought it was pretty cool to be able to play on the field in the big stadium.

Hope you all are having a nice start to your spring break!

Little Wonders

I thought I'd do just a quick little post while I had a quiet moment and let everyone get a looksie at our new little sweetheart - Morgan James Dodson.

He weighed in at 9 pounds 2 oz. and is 21 inches long. So far, he has been eating and sleeping like a champ and couldn't be sweeter. We can tell he is already a strong little guy and fights to get his head up for a look around.

My first thought when they laid him in my arms was, what a miracle we just witnessed. I know that's totally cliche, but it really truly hits you that this little person was sent from heaven and how lucky we are to be blessed with a healthy baby. Right away I could also see a family resemblance, he has tons of dark hair and Kendle's little mouth. The delivery went very smoothly and this was a much better experience than before. ( Yes, I got to have an epidural this time!!!)

Kendle could not wait to come to the hospital and hold her new little brother. She gave him lots of kisses and "soft" little pats and is already trying to teach him to say "ma, ma". He'll be a quick study with her around. She has already helped feed him and change him and he recognizes her voice when she comes around. I know they will have a special bond.

It's hard to believe that all of this started nine months ago, and in a matter of hours we were meeting him for the first time. We feel so thankful to have him in our family and can't wait to see what all of the little moments will bring. Morgan looks forward to meeting you soon.